The following individuals are recognized by AltCon for exceptional excellence in their dogged and determined avoidance of all things green.
- Take your pick of fur wearers and fur packers (small pets) Paris, Mary J Blige, Cindy Crawford and the Oslen twins. These ladies and their BFF’s have endangered more small creatures and been swathed in more dead animal pelts than the Inuits, Zsa Zsa Gabor and Davey Crockett combined.
- Baseball’s Roger Clemens for his efforts to aid ‘human growth’ and better living through chemicals. The ‘Rocket’ is also rumored to have filled several Toronto and Staten Island landfills with his personal medical waste.
- Neo-con Man of the Decade, Dick ‘WMD’ Cheney for his tireless work (in tandem with noted global warming experts Ford, Exxon and GM) in support of the EPA’s torpedoing of California’s tougher emissions laws.
- Britney’s little sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, for her enthusiastic work with Zero Population Growth, Planned Parenthood and the National Association for Abstinence and Christian Values.
- The Japanese Government for its noble pursuit of vital whale research. This whale-saving study just happens to include the harpooning of 1,000 whales. (they may have second thoughts)
But enough of these underachievers, our one man environmental wrecking crew, and winner for the seventh consecutive year…the 2007 ‘I Hate the Color Green’ winner…no mystery here… G.W. Bush!!!
We doubt any one politician or individual will ever equal the damage and destruction wrought by our honoree and his unflagging disdain and disregard for all manner of environmental regs and protections which, coupled with his squinty-eyed, oblivious disregard for all scientific gobbledygook and reasoned environmental analysis makes George our anti-treehugger of the year.
His proud stand against all things eco-friendly bespeaks a man hellbent on maximizing profits and shareholder value. G.W. has opened our National Parks to mining and logging, held fast against tightening emissions laws, threatened tiny owls, salmon, wolves, polar bears, and I presume kittens, rolled back powerplant emissions standards, weakened all manner of environmental regs and agencies, pushed for oil drilling in wilderness preserves, ignored Katrina victims, developed thousands of acres of wetlands, dumped vats of cash into Iraq and just generally run amok.
But, when all is said and done; it’s his tireless work as the ultimate global warming naysayer that sets him apart from the run-of-the-mill celeb-utards, auto manufacturers and big oil execs. As the Anti-Gore, George has tried his best to paint over all things green with a gray, oil soaked patina. The man has set a standard that will take decades, and dozens upon dozens of corrupt Congressmen to dismantle. Congratulations G.W.!!
In recognition of his work against nature and the environment Georgie will be receiving our coveted ‘green-free’ gift bag shipped directly to his ranch in a non-biodegradable Styrofoam container, carved in the shape of Greenland circa 1957, which includes:
- two rayon/polyester blend ‘I Hate Green’ tees with vinyl lettering and 20 year spot resistant coating
- a 100% wild coyote fur all-weather parka
- a choice of puppies from the Caged in Arkansas Puppy Mill
- a one year lease of the lowest mpg gas guzzler we can find – made in Detroit of course
- 50 cases of Jennifer Aniston-endorsed Smart Water
- a one year subscription to Appalachian Strip Miner Weekly
- an impressive assortment of certified animal tested skincare products – a $200 value
- an all-leather wardrobe from Louis Vuitton with matching monogrammed baby-sealskin luggage
- steaks, steaks steaks – all the Kobe beef and pen-raised veal you can eat
- a $500 gift certificate to ShopChinese.com
- all the Frito Lay products you can fit in your Humvie courtesy of Lime.com
Related: 13 ways to spot an eco-poser