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  • Keep your event’s size manageable. Invite only guests who still use the term “global warming.” This will guarantee plenty of room on the dance floor and ensure tons of leftovers.
  • Create a menu of strictly local fare. Avoid this approach if your patio is located next to a Nebraska cattle feedlot, your vegetable garden is regularly irrigated by run-off from the local coal mine, or your neighbor’s cloned sheep are known to sport a couple of extra, calorie-rich appendages.
  • Instead of throwing another slab of meat on the barbie, take the kids to a petting zoo or local farm so they can connect with some of the critters they’re not eating.
  • Invite Al Gore over for a barbecue – make sure you have plenty of potato salad and corn relish. Al’s such a big eater you may want to invest in carbon offsets to counter-balance his food intake!
  • Take the heartfelt advice of my neighbor, Four Fingered Tony – lock-up all fireworks before you start imbibing any organic wine, beer, vodka or tequila.